Fine…I am fine

I repeat this in my head so many times

When all the while this bleeding heart is beating at half time

Fine…I am fine

While blood drips down my spine where the hole and your knife still resides

Broken, battered and bruised

But I am fine, really I am fine

This will all pass in due time, in due time

Fine…I am fine

But what does fine actually mean anyway

Some quasi state of euphoria we all strive to achieve

I try to wrap my head around the idea of just being , not always wanting to be okay, happy or even in love

Existing in this life as another person that is part of a much larger picture that is now blurry and skewed

I am tired of always being the puzzle piece that just does not seem to work out right

Always bending to make it fit like I was made for it but I was not made for this

But I am fine, really I am fine

I will just bury my feeling away for some other day where the clouds are a perfect shade of grey

But till then I am fine really I am fine

Kariann Alcala, 2010


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