Colorless..

Colorless

Well today I feel useless and unwanted

I wonder if I ever will feel whole. What is whole?

 I use to dream in color but now just black and white

I wonder if that means that my jadedness has overcome my dreams as well

I want that is just the thing I don’t know what I want, but I know I want something

What that something is I really don’t know

I hate feeling this way but I don’t know if I have ever felt any different than I feel now

What is wrong with me?

Why am I the way that I am?

I can’t sleep because my dreams haunt me

If I can call them dreams and not just nightmares of a life I have or will never have…why?

I just want to breathe the air of clarity and not the air of discontent

I want my smile to be real

I wan my laugh to mean something

I want my eyes to say I am happy

I want my life to be something

Kariann Alcala, 2009

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