Well today I feel useless and unwanted
I wonder if I ever will feel whole. What is whole?
I use to dream in color but now just black and white
I wonder if that means that my jadedness has overcome my dreams as well
I want that is just the thing I don’t know what I want, but I know I want something
What that something is I really don’t know
I hate feeling this way but I don’t know if I have ever felt any different than I feel now
What is wrong with me?
Why am I the way that I am?
I can’t sleep because my dreams haunt me
If I can call them dreams and not just nightmares of a life I have or will never have…why?
I just want to breathe the air of clarity and not the air of discontent
I want my smile to be real
I wan my laugh to mean something
I want my eyes to say I am happy
I want my life to be something
Kariann Alcala, 2009